Last Saturday night I was in a club in NYC with some friends. I hit the dance floor with one of them and seconds later I felt another hand grab mine. I turned and realized the hand belonged to a good looking guy. We started to dance, he asked my name and shortly thereafter my age. I’m never ashamed about my age, but by the same token don’t feel it’s everyone’s business so I didn’t tell. He guessed 22, I laughed and said, “Sure, we’ll go with that.” I asked him his, he said 21. By the time we went our own way, I was 33 (his final guess) and he 28.

Back in Chicago and we’re keeping in touch because well…why not?

In the last ten years I have dated only two men that are older than me.  One older by two months, the other by about a year.  I don’t know why but older men and men my age rarely show an interest in me.  When I was 34 I dated a 22 year old.   Yet with all of that history I do not consider myself a cougar and in fact, despise the term.

I think it’s insulting to give women of a certain age a moniker whose real meaning is “a capable stalk-and-ambush, the cougar pursues a wide variety of prey” implying that the younger men we date are prey and not necessarily willing participants in the game.

But as I research this subject so I can stand on my soapbox shouting to the world about the ridiculousness of the term, I found this video and can’t help but think that maybe we’ve done this to ourselves.


5 thoughts on “Cougars and their prey

  1. Don’t be ashamed for being a beautiful woman. Your age is just a number and if you’re attracting younger guys then more power to you! As for the term cougar, I think it’s better to focus less on the word “prey” in that definition, and focus more on the words “wide variety”, because no matter how old you are, all men are our prey, if we want them to be 😉

    1. Thank you, Cindy. I’m actually fine with attracting them (talk about flattering) I’m just not sure I like the term Cougar. It’s so disparaging, though I guess it’s better than the ‘pervert’ term we use for men in the same situation. I don’t agree with that one either, but it’s out there.

  2. Boy can I relate! Although I haven’t gone to many clubs lately, I want to look my “youngest” when I go on vacations. I let my hair go grey about 10 years ago and now I’m thinking of getting my hair colored for my next vacation! So if it helps in the short run, great, but I know in the long run it probably won’t help. I just won’t lie about my age, I’ll just not say any age!

    1. Heidi, do whatever makes you feel good. I’ve had grey hair since I was a teenager and though I’ve considered allowing it to grow out vanity stops me. No reason to be anything but what you wanna be.

  3. Great post Libs – I think many (though far from all) men from that generation are less intimidated by a strong woman than “older” men are… And you ae a strong and beautiful woman

    As for “cougar” I understand you don’t like it and I don’t either, but I’m pretty sure that commercial was made by a man, or a group of them… lol

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