Originally published September 2007
‘If only we`d done this more,’ he said as we moved in the middle of the crowded dance floor. I could only smile in response. I was enjoying the music and I didn’t want to think about our past.
He continued with the questions. ‘Don`t you think doing this, being here, being out, would`ve made the difference. Don`t you think we would still be together?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t want to think about it. What`s the point of if only`s?’
Days later I`m still annoyed at how his questions, his insistence that I travel back to the past, took a little of the fun out of my evening. I`m still wondering what is the point of ‘if only?’
I used to be a worrier. I used to stay up at nigh writing plays. At least that’s what I called them. These plays were based on moments of my life that I wanted to rewrite.
These late night plays always left me exhausted and disappointed. In the light of day the past was still the past and ‘if only’ was an unfulfilled wish.
So I learned to live my life for today. I`ve learned to make decisions today that will hopefully bring a life of happiness and no regrets, so tomorrow I don’t say ‘if only.’