2018: I wish it could have worked out between us

I can’t believe that my last post was almost a year ago. But it makes sense that a year disappeared from my blog, since it also sort of disappeared from my life. I’m ready for that clock to strike midnight, so to all the “new year, new me” naysayers posting on social media…

I say…

I need for that clock to turn to midnight so I can call it done. I need that dividing line, however much it only exist in my head so I can try again, and this time do better, because 2018 was a rough one.

January

I fell into one of the worst depressive episodes I’ve ever had in late January, and there were many days when I wasn’t sure I’d make it through.

May

Then, in May the shoulder pain I talked about in my last post, which had gotten better for a few months, turned into a pain that ran up and down my left arm randomly, along with some numbness and tingling.

I was so busy with work that I initially attributed it to stress. When things at work slowed down, I took a week off to deal with it, thinking rest and an appointment with an acupuncturist would take care of it, but it only got worse. The week of vacation extended to a few weeks of leave from work, two ER trips, a heart test (it was my left arm), X-rays, an MRI, and prescription after prescription. So it turns out I have disc degeneration, which resulted in cervical radiculopathy, which is basically a pinched nerve(s).

None of the prescriptions (opiods, muscle relaxers, and steroids) helped. In desperation I sought advice from my friends on Facebook, and was recommended CBD oil. I won’t say anymore about CBD oil in this post except to say that I believe in it so much, I now sell it. After starting CBD, I forced myself to go back to work, and started eight weeks of physical therapy.

September-December

By the end, it was almost mid-September. I had lost my entire summer and was about to start another few months of long hours at work. Those ended with me sick with a bad cold the last two weeks of the year. It feels appropriate somehow.

But hey, look at me writing a second blog post before the year ended. Who would’ve thought?!?

Cheers to a better 2019!